Harry Potter and the Deadly Embarrasing Valentines
by Lillei
Summary: Humorous valentines to our favorite scar head
1. 1

Harry Potter and the Deadly Embarrassing Valentines  
  
I have no idea what prompted me to write this, but something did and so I am. These are basically the valentines Harry received on that faithful day in his second year in which Lockhart dressed in pink and 'friendly cupids' delivered valentines. We all know about the most famous singing valentine,sent by Ginny Weasley (as far as we know) but what about all the rest?  
  
Disclaimer; I am not J.K. Rowling. Were I, I would be working on the sixth book. And it's not very likely that the sixth book will include valentines from Harry's second year is it? So don't sue me.  
  
I'm reposting this chapter because it took all my formating away. It should be easier to read this time.   
  
His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad   
  
His hair is as dark as a blackboard   
  
I wish he was mine, he's really divine,   
  
The hero who conquered the Dark Lord  
  
Harry my love  
  
I gaze upon your eyes so true,   
  
shining with nobility   
  
I wish that some time I could   
  
offer you my hospitality   
  
I wish you would just once glance my way   
  
Saying hello, or nice day, or just hey  
  
Look at me, the hero who wanders   
  
Or I shall forever be forced to ponder   
  
My love for you   
  
Much attraction,   
  
Anonymous  
  
Harry Poter your'e so stpid you arnt evan smart but all the techers like you they always say "why can't you be more like Harry Poter David? I hate you I cold hav been great you stink you did a good thing killers Voldemort but you loose all your'e goodness whn you grow up your'e relly stpid some day I'll get you four doing this to me.   
  
So ha, Your enemy   
  
P.S. Ha you don't even know my name so I can get you  
  
Harry Potter, The apple of my eye. I'll always be happy to take a bite out of you.  
  
Parvati   
  
You suck Potter. Go die with your stupid giant oaf of a friend. You chose the wrong side.   
  
Fair warning. Draco Malfoy  
  
Potter you are potty. Like in the toilet.   
  
Vincent Crabbe  
  
Something's never change. And I will always love you.   
  
Anonymous  
  
Meet me in the astronomy tower at exactly 12:37. If you don't, I shall kill myself. I love you and I cannot handle the rejection. I shall kill myself.   
  
Your love  
  
Harry Harry he's the man   
  
He defeated Voldemort when no one can!   
  
Gooooooooooooooooooooooooo-, Harry   
  
Yooooooooooouuuuuuuuuur'e great!   
  
The Hufflepuff girls  
  
Hello Muscle palace Rupert's mail address it appears not to be being positively. nya The inside inside the cotton 3 all helped the mail does not see anh as why .... And reply it entrusts certainly . I language ardency maybe too much without ? It peels anyhow and phyey the use method petty egg it lights and it gives. Only is like that. Goodbye  
  
(I confess I stole this off of www.mugglenet.com on their wall of shame section. It was just too hilarious not too. So it belongs to mugglenet and the person who wrote it.)  
  
I love you. Come to MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I hate Hermione Granger; she gets to hang out with you well she can die! DIE DIE DIE Mudblood.  
  
Mullicent  
  
Just want to say to those people who are probably thinking of flaming me right about now that this was meant as HUMOUROUS. I'm not trying to write like J.K. therefore I do not need conflict, love interests, feeling, really anything. I am aware that this has no point at all. This was just for fun. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.  
  
Lillei 


	2. 2

Hey Harry,  
  
I like the things you do!  
  
Hey Harry,  
  
If I could I would be you!  
  
You're the one and only hero  
  
With the one and only scar.  
  
You know how to take a bad guy  
  
And blast him really far  
  
You're more than good  
  
You're GREAT!  
  
-Lisa Beck, 1st year Gryffindor   
  
The worms crawl in and the worms crawl out! That's what will happen when the Dark Lord defeats you, Potter!  
  
-Anonymous  
  
Blood is beautiful. It blossoms like a rosebud opens to the sunlight. And your blood shall spill onto the ground in a waterfall of roses when the Dark Lord rises.  
  
-Anonymous  
  
Harry,  
  
I love you. I will always be here for you!  
  
-Jenny Roberts   
  
Harry,  
  
Hermione's going nuts. She wants us to send valentines to each other. Help me before she comes back! Fly quick, little owl! HELP  
  
-Ron-in-need   
  
Harry,   
  
From Ron and I this Valentines day. Have a good one and don't worry so much. Not everything is your fault or responsibility to fix. You're a great friend, we both think so, even if Ron didn't want to write this at all. He's just signing his name, but he agrees with me. You're awesome.  
  
-Hermione  
  
-Ron-begrudgingly  
  
Harry,  
  
I will always be waiting for the day you turn your lovely eyes to my humble face.   
  
-Yolanda Harris  
  
Harry Potter Sir,  
  
Dobby has decided to take time to send Harry Potter a valentine, sir. Dobby wants to wish you a happy Valentines day and wants to say that Dobby is Harry's biggest fan, sir.   
  
Love,   
  
Dobby  
  
Dear Mr. Potter,   
  
You are holding up well against the unexpected tide of uncertainties in your path. Remember to use your materials wisely, young man. Discovering does no good until you use the knowledge discovered…remember that.  
  
-Professor Albus Dumbledore  
  
Mr. Potter,  
  
Detention and ten points from Gryffindor from the amount of times you've interrupted my class with your admiring letters and valentines.   
  
-Professor Snape 


	3. 3

Spoof Valentine time! I got tired of normal Valentines, so it's time for spoofs on rumours, books, theories, and fanfiction! You will get to see Harry's reply, which you wouldn't normally. There will be some semi-normal one's thrown in there.  
  
Potter! If you receive one more Valentine in my class, I shall be forced to give you detention. That said, happy Valentine's Day.  
-Professor M. McGonagall  
  
But Professor! It's not my fault and I am serving detention with Professor Snape all ready! Why not give Lockhart the detention? -Best wishes, happy Valentine's Day,  
  
Harry Potter  
  
An excellent point! I shall take it up with Albus...er, I mean...hem hem, Headmaster Dumbledore!  
-Prof. M. McG.  
  
Um, Professor? Umbridge doesn't come until fifth year. Have you been skipping ahead? Happy V. D.  
-H.P.  
  
Harry, will you go out with me? I think you're special! ; )  
-Alana Rickeman  
  
Potter, enjoy your Valentine's Day...it might be your last.  
-Diary Tom Riddle, who was once, will be, and is also known as Lord Voldemort, as written by Ginny Weasely...but of course you don't know that.  
  
Happy Valentine's Day! Hope it's a great one!  
-Kat Greta-Zones  
  
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one, so I never have to live a day without you.  
-Winnie the Pooh  
-Neville Longbottom (I think Neville's sweet!)  
  
Unscramble the letters Harry!  
-Gred and Forge  
Gold rot ham core smere this hefeiry! Answer Moldyfart is gone...here comes the real heir!  
  
Dear Harry Potter sir,  
  
It is vital for your future, as well as that of the wizarding world, that you study instead of indulging yourself with your love life and your numerous valentines. That said, I suppose I should wish you a happy valentines day. I hope it was interesting to say the least.  
-Percy Weasely  
  
Oh, shut-up. I heard you betray us in the fifth book anyway...Weatherby!  
-H.P.  
  
Dear Harry Potter,  
  
I have received word that I redeem myself in the last two books.  
-P.W.  
  
Redeem yourself? Why Percy, I though you got over your bedwetting thing in my first year?  
-H.P.  
  
I love you Harry! Can I please, please, please have your autograph? I would really like to meet you, except it wouldn't be acceptable for a young witch my age, with my Christian society, so I must decline you the pleasure. However, we could embark on a simple stroll that results in us realizing we're meant for each other, though of course we could never officially be. But unofficially...  
-Lindsay Jollip  
  
Dear Harry,  
  
I know that you do not know who I am and for that I do not blame you. I am the reason your father, along with Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew became animagi........................................................................................................................................................................................................... So that's what happened from the time I was bitten until your fifth year! Just thought you ought to know! Happy Valentines Day!  
-Remus Lupin  
  
Ah, well that will be very helpful, I'm sure. Now, I have this enemy, Lord Voldemort you know...do you think you could take care of him during one of your monthly things? That would help me a lot, and since I asked you to do it, I would be fulfilling this prophecy thing...Oh and happy V.D. to you as well!  
-H.P.  
  
Anytime Harry! I'm here for you until I go mad with grief over Sirius's death, at which time I will only be able to give good advice on how to tell your best living friend that you secretly have a man crus-  
  
Not reading this, not my innocent, naïve, virgin hero eyes!  
-H.P.  
  
Oh, so sorry, never meant to offend!  
-R.L.  
  
snorts  
-H.P.  
  
So like your father! I'm so proud I'm not really Remus Lupin and am actually your father in Remus's body using switching spells, though I'm wondering how long I have to keep up this whole Sirius/Remus thing for the fans...cause I'm really James...even if the fans came up with that one too...sigh.  
-R.L. A.K.A. J.P.  
  
Dear Harry Potter,  
  
I fortell a fraud in your future, my dear. Yes, my dearest Harry, I see her now, large glasses, like a glittering insect empress...squishies in your path, I see. My crystal ball is feeling a little doozie, I believe I'll take a rest, though I give you this warning on the day of love and betrayal alike...yes...  
-Professor Sibyl Trelawney 


End file.
